Saturday, 23 April 2016

Dialogue with god Hi, how ya doin? Not so bad thanks, same as always I guess. As I’m eternal, it’s not all relative. And obviously as I’m omniscient I already know how you’re doing, so it would be insincere of me to ask. I say, this instant messaging is pretty cool. How can I help? It’s this European referendum business… Ah yes, I noticed unusual levels of antagonism. What some of the young angels call ‘bad vibes’. Well as you know I don’t believe in you - it's nothing personal - so this may come across as a little cheeky... we all have our weaknesses… Is that so? …but I was wondering, with all that bountiful munificence and stuff… Yes …whether it could be, er, arranged, so to speak… Yes … in the interests of the future of humanity… if that is something you’d like to see, well, furthered, so to speak… ? … would it be possible Yes … er, arranged I mean, for Boris Johnson and Michael Gove, after 23 June, to be sent permanently into that Wilderness place we heard about - or sooner if it suits you..? I see what you’re getting at. That’s the problem with omniscience, I can’t not see what you’re getting at. … there to perish in excruciating, never-ending, multiplied-medieval sandpaper-under-the-foreskin agony which could be publicly viewed universally in high definition, freely available on all channels anywhere in the galaxy at any point in history? It’s not too much to ask is it? I’m afraid it is. Well, not afraid exactly, I don’t qualify for fear, that’s a figure of speech. You made an assumption about my interest in the future of humanity. (Damn!) I’m god, I created the world, I can’t have this species crawling all over it messing things up for many more millennia. I suppose you think Johnson and Gove are the beginning of the end do you? Well, you’re right. And I’ve still got Trump up my sleeve. Ha. OMG. So there’s nothing to be done? No. God help us. No.

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